Vasoline - The Other White Meat


and also, Todd, I’m not tripping acid I really thought it was a puppy. just thought I’d clarify


You can still buy acid?

Oh that is cute

Donate money to that fund and use my wife’s name.

My name is Todd. Use my name.

If you want to attack someone then attack me.

Don’t ever use her name. Fucking ever. I live in Long Island but I can sure as shit can fly to where you are at and we talk about this.

But you don’t never, ever talk shit about my wife. You never do that. My wife uses words. I use violence. You will see that real quick. Real fucking quick.

Where are you from? Are you a coward?

Where are you from? Wanna meet?

Don’t ever disrespect my wife. Fucking ever.

Fucking coward.

You got the balls then my email is up on the top of the page.


Although I am probably the whitest Hispanic you’ll ever meet (except for my actual skin color and my love of spicy foods), I have been pulled over in the past for “driving while Brown.”

It was not nearly as intrusive or disgusting as some of the racist bullshit going on in places like Ferguson,…


I think

Both Michele and I make a good team. I don’t think she follows me and I know I don’t follow her.

But we both talk the same but different. It always sounds, after I read something she wrote on, that she is more intelligent, which she probably is.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t give a shit. I know she is totally smart. I know I use too many bad words.

But we both get our point across. Just on different levels. Me? One syllable words.

Her? Tear your shit to pieces.

That’s why I don’t follow her. 

She is very mean. Trust me. Saying “fuck you” like I do is a lot easier then explaining to you why you fucked up. I take the easy way out. She doesn’t.

But you all know her.

I have learned that we are two sides of a coin but the coin has the same sides. We just talk a little differently.

But the same.

Weird, right? 


It is very easy to leave. When you have nothing you have nothing to lose.

It is very easy to walk away and let someone else deal with it.

Well you did.

You ever stand in the subway and see rats? They know when a train is coming. They leave.

The first time my West Coast family came to New York they couldn’t stop looking at them. Well, my mom couldn’t. Just looking down at the tracks. Then they would run. When they felt something happening. None stayed of course.

But it always made me think.

Rats run when there is trouble. They know something is up and they don’t want to deal with it.

Humans have to deal with it. With whatever happens. Or they are a rat.

That was my deep thought of the day.

Fuck them

I don’t even know who runs the show at gofuckme but this is out there.

How much money for this guy? He fucking killed someone. And we are giving him money?

On someones word?

What the fuck is wrong with you?

I look at this and just wonder. Fuck the ToS but really where it starts.

Typing is fucking easy. I can type in anything. Anyone can. You wanna toss money away when you don’t know what happened? Fine. Do it.

Some people will just back people even though they don’t know what they look like or what happened.

Some kid got his head shot off…….and you are donating to him….to the police man…..for a legal cause….for a cause that will be paid for by the police department…..and you donate money…and you don’t know shit over shit about what happened….but you do……..and comment…..


So much hatred.

I stand by what I see with my own eyes and that is the bottom line.

Fuck anything else.

My mom never cooked anything. She only reheated.

OK. Why does that piss off my mom and Michele? Why do I like to say it?

My mom worked long work weeks. As did my dad.

I wouldn’t see them for long periods of time. Either of them.

So what mom would do was on Sunday, cook a weeks worth of dinners. Then put them in the fridge.

She was killing herself with work and now this?

Well I always said, in all honesty, you don’t cook. You just reheat.

And that just pissed my parents off. Years later, well not many, I got it. I understood why that was not funny. I got it. She was killing herself and I would make a stupid comment.

A comment on feeding her kids.

But years later I still like to say that to her. Michele didn’t get it until my mom explained it to her.

And Michele got pissed.

Now those are the worst words to say to anyone in my family.

Specally Michele who backs my mom.

But I still say it.

Just don’t say it to either of them.


I was told of a new place near to our house.

Why was I not told of this before……

Lies. All lies and withholding information.

I mean hell. If you know my favorite food and you know where is a place that opened up….well why don’t we go there?


/yes I am just kidding. She tells me everything. But she likes the diner. And yes, I eat too much bad food so maybe she hid this from me.


See I really don’t think she liked Vietnamese food and she knows I lived on it for years.

I mean, some people like some food and some don’t. BIG REALITY..I DON’T LIKE ITALIAN FOOD.

Well. Except for mom’s lasagna.

You know your parents loved it even though it was coming from a German American….

That was a secret message. 

Well crap

It’s no secret that Michele has had, in the past, a very limited food exposure. Which is totally cool.  I understand.

I mean, I grew up eating everything but I grew up in a different place.

I grew up walking to get food.

This line always pisses Michele off “my mom never cooked. She only reheated.”

Say that to Michele and she will flip out. Ug. Early morning conversations with mom when I am asleep calls my bullshit on many things.

Oh well. You married me so who gets the last laugh?

But really. We go on food adventures. Anywhere we go. And I know she hasn’t eaten the things I have so I have to walk her into some of these joints.

But she loves it all. From all around the world.

Cept Barcelona. That had some shitty food. I couldn’t do nothing about that. Don’t go to Barcelona for a food trip. Just don’t.

But it sucks to hear my favorite food joint closed.

This place was awesome. Michele and I would go there. Everyone knows by now what my favorite of food is and this was a good place. Always on our roadmap.

But Michele ate frog legs…..

Yes. We can make fun of her.

I order fucked up food and see how much she can take.

But it closed.

So many memories.



We used to go a kickass Vietnamese joint. In NYC. I can’t remember the name.

I knew where it was at but I can’t remember. The name.

I find that as I get older I forget details.

It all becomes “well there was this one time..”


Somewhere in San Francisco. Or maybe Lake Tahoe. Maybe that was Las Vegas. Wait…let me think….

Maybe this is why Michele kicks the shit out of me on Jeopardy!